4 moments when you should have asked for emotional support, but didn’t – from a psychologist

We often go through life tackling challenges and emotions, assuming that we can or should handle everything ourselves. But in our quest for independence or the desire to appear strong, we sometimes overlook the moments when seeking emotional support could have strengthened our relationships and alleviated our sense of isolation. If you’ve ever thought, “I should have told someone,” you’re not alone.

Many of us have been conditioned to believe that vulnerability is a weakness, or that we need to manage our emotions on our own. This mentality can lead to missed opportunities for connection – moments that could have made us feel better understood and supported.

Here are four situations where you may have missed the opportunity to ask for support, and how these missed moments affect your well-being.

1. When you felt overwhelmed by daily stress

We often ignore the stress that builds up over time. Whether it’s work deadlines, family responsibilities or financial pressures, it’s easy to think, “Everyone has to deal with this – why should I complain?”

This mentality can keep you from seeking help because you think you have to carry the burden yourself. Moreover, according to a Study from 2010 published in Personality and individual differenceslower acceptance of emotions was associated with the highest levels of depression.

On the contrary, sharing your feelings, even about the seemingly mundane, opens up space for vulnerability and allows others to connect with you. Bottling up stress over time can lead to burnout or emotional numbness, causing you to distance yourself from the people who care about you.

Acknowledging your stress and allowing yourself to express it gives someone close to you the opportunity to offer support, whether through advice, empathy, or simply by being present.

2. When You Were Grieving But Trying to ‘Move On’

Grief is not always about the loss of a loved one; it can stem from the loss of a job, a friendship, or even a part of your identity. Sometimes we rush through grief and convince ourselves of it “life goes on” and avoid the weight of sadness. Maybe you didn’t want to seem too emotional, or maybe you didn’t want to burden others with your feelings. But grief is one of the most profound human experiences, and when we shut people out during these moments, we miss opportunities to heal together.

Asking for support during grief allows others to comfort you, and it creates a shared space of healing. A 2022 study found that help-seeking, despite being one of the least used strategies, was the only coping method that effectively buffered the negative impact of grief on quality of life, especially for those experiencing severe grief.

Remember that people want to be there for you when you’re hurting, even when you feel like you need to be “strong.” Sharing your pain can deepen your connections in meaningful ways.

3. When you were angry but kept silent

Anger is often seen as a negative emotion, one that we should suppress or keep to ourselves. Perhaps you have been angry about something that is important to you: a line that was crossed, an injustice, or a feeling that you were not appreciated. But instead of expressing it, you stayed silent, thinking it wasn’t worth starting a conflict. However, this was a missed opportunity for you to express your needs and make someone close to you understand what was bothering you.

A article published by the American Psychological Association suggests that when you are angry, it is more effective to identify the sources of your anger and develop strategies to prevent these triggers from bringing you to the breaking point. Open communication can be a useful tool to start this process.

Asking for support in moments of anger doesn’t mean lashing out. Instead, it means inviting someone into your emotional world and saying: “I’m angry and I need to talk about this.” Opening up could have led to validation and a chance to work on the problem together, preventing frustration.

4. When you felt insecure but pretended everything was fine

We all have moments of self-doubt, whether it’s about our appearance, our abilities, or even our relationships. But how many times have you smiled because of your insecurity, pretending to be confident, while quietly feeling inadequate? Maybe you didn’t ask for reassurance because you thought it would make you look needy or weak.

In reality, asking for support when you feel insecure is an act of trust. It allows others to affirm and encourage you, strengthening the bond between you. A 2021 study published in the Japanese psychological research found that seeking reassurance strengthens emotional bonds and increases relationship satisfaction, in both short- and long-term relationships.

Vulnerability in moments of uncertainty shows that you are willing to show someone the real, unpolished version of yourself. This creates intimacy and makes others feel like they can do the same with you, strengthening your emotional bond.

How to recognize and ask for support

If any of these moments resonate with you, consider how you can tune into the moment when you need emotional support. The next time you feel overwhelmed, sad, angry, or insecure, pause and ask yourself, “How would it feel to share this with someone?” Recognize that emotional support is not a luxury; it is essential for your mental well-being. Reaching out does not mean you are less capable or strong. Instead, it means that you are human.

Another gentle reminder: think of the people you trust and keep them in mind when times are tough. Sometimes having that list makes it easier to ask for support when the time comes. The next time you’re tempted to go it alone, let someone in. You will be surprised by the strength, connection and comfort that vulnerability can bring.

Asking for help is not easy, but it comes more naturally to emotionally aware people. Take the Emotional Quotient Inventory to know where you stand.