Dear Ab | Friends remain silent about affairs within their circle

DEAR ABBY: Our friend “Carrie” revealed to our close group of friends that she has been having an affair with her best friend “Julia” husband for the past few years. Their children are best friends and they spend a lot of time together, even when they go on family vacations.

We have often told Carrie how this could affect the children, which she acknowledges, but the affair continues. This dirty secret is getting harder to keep because we love Julia, but no one wants to be the messenger. Should we tell Julia, or wait until it inevitably comes out?

– ROT IN RHODE ISLAND

BEST ROTTE: Are you sure Julia doesn’t know about the affair and hasn’t chosen to ignore it? Julia has children who still live at home. If you spill the beans, what will that do to the intact lifestyle they presumably enjoy? If you’d rather not hear about Carrie’s shenanigans anymore, tell her you don’t want to hear about them anymore. But I vote for keeping your mouth shut when it comes to making the revelations.

** ** **

DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife have been married for three years and have an eight-month-old son. She stays home to take care of the baby. My son also works from home. He has now taken on a second job to make ends meet, so three days a week he works from 7am to 3pm and then leaves from 5pm to 10pm and is back home at 11pm.

His wife believes in co-sleeping, which means she sleeps in the bed with the baby, while my son sleeps on a mattress on the floor. This has been happening since the birth of the child. My son also cooks 80%. They live a thousand miles away, so I can’t help. He’s practically her slave. I don’t want to say anything, but I would like their marriage to last. What should I do?

– DELIVERED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONCERNED: The last thing you need to do is intervene. Unless your son complains to you about the arrangement, stay out of it. If the situation becomes unbearable, your son will deal with it.

** ** **

DEAR ABBY: It has been five years since my position as a professor at a small graduate school ended. I was forced to retire after 30 years of teaching, and two years before my announced retirement date. I didn’t do anything wrong. The reasons given were vague. The fact that I didn’t get a solid explanation hurt me deeply.

There was no severance pay and no benefits. I lost a significant amount of income at a crucial time in my life, but no one seemed to think about it. I was sad for a long time. I still can’t find it in myself to forgive the dean and president of the school. But somehow I feel like I have to. How do I get out? I have moved on in many ways, but I just can’t forgive.

– STILL PAIN

Dear pain: Here’s how to get out of trouble: Find a competent attorney who specializes in wrongful termination and discuss what was done to you. Follow the lawyer’s advice, and if you’re properly compensated, you’ll likely be in a much more forgiving mood than you are now.