He went back to Europe

I got off a situation ship last spring that took me to some social events and fun. I went to an event with some friends and a guy asked for my number. He had just landed in Boston in the next few months; he lives abroad.

We hung out the next weekend and connected right away. (Yes, I’m going to be cheesy and say we both talked about how “different” this was.) Our first date involved cooking and talking for hours, and we truly never looked back. We spent the next five months traveling locally and internationally. We enjoyed everything from walking the dog to going out and the boring activities like grocery shopping and commuting. We had a few minor conflicts and miscommunications, but they were quickly resolved. He understood my anxious attachment, and I understood for the first time what security with a partner felt like. It was like he could drown out all the noise and calm my central system with his presence.

Eventually his visit to Boston came to an end and he had to return to Europe, but always on the basis of a return in a few months. We struggled with this, but felt we were solid and knew we could miss each other for a while and then be back together soon.

A month into long distance, there was a change in tone of my “miss little anxious attachment.” I knew he was very stressed between moving home, restarting his old life, and figuring out the logistics of his return to the US – a lot of things I couldn’t fully understand, but wanted to support.

I opened that can of worms, feeling a little strange, and he realized that maybe the situation was making him feel bad. Lyrics became tense, vague and confusing. FaceTimes didn’t happen anymore. I was in pain, he was confused. Everything unraveled very, very quickly. He seemed so torn and sad, but at the same time pushed me away.

After a week of space, he now feels like he doesn’t have the ability to be 100 percent committed to this relationship with all the other variables in his life. He said it’s best to end it and stay on good terms. He said his mind is no longer involved, but he feels so terrible about how everything happened. He thinks he needs time to get clarity about his future.

Meanwhile, I feel so heartbroken, yet I understand that he is prioritizing himself. I can’t even be mad about that.

I just don’t know how to understand all this.

– Little Miss IDK