Dear Ab | Affection for the smaller man grows after decades apart

DEAR ABBY: I was in a relationship with a coworker when I was 22, but broke it off because I couldn’t handle the fact that he was several inches shorter than me. I didn’t tell him why. I just said, “It’s me, not you.”

I am now in my sixties, have had a very successful career, have never married and see online that he has become a leading researcher. From his online photo he now looks like a sweet, older man, and I would do anything to reconnect with him. Would this be foolish?

Was I too insensitive at 22 to understand that I had probably hurt him? Do you think he would forgive me if I contacted him now? He lives far away, so a personal meeting is out of the question in the short term. Would an email be okay? He is in his early seventies and not married.

– STUPID THEN IN OHIO

BEST ‘STUPID’: At 22 you were not insensitive; you were superficial. Look at this from that man’s perspective. What should he think when, forty years after a colleague dumped him, he receives an email saying, “It’s me, not you”? Remember, no matter how successful he is now, he is no bigger. My advice is to leave it alone, find someone you are physically attracted to, who lives closer geographically, appreciates how successful you have been in your career and is open to a relationship.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a childless 70 year old man. Every year around the anniversary of my brother’s death, some family members get together and travel to his hometown to celebrate him. We will have a memorial service at the cemetery and go to mass together on Sunday. We also go out for dinner and drinks. There are now three generations involved, the youngest of which is 10.

This year my cousin’s son and his wife had a baby. We are all happy for them. A few days ago I sent a group text on our family call saying I didn’t think it was a good idea to bring a baby on this trip. I explained that I felt like this would distract from the purpose of being together. My cousin is offended and won’t tell me why. I carefully worded my message so that I didn’t say anything negative. Was I wrong?

– TRADITIONALIST IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TRADITIONALIST: You wrote that the purpose of this gathering is for the family to honor your deceased brother and celebrate his life together. When you posted your message in the family thread, did you expect your cousin’s son and his wife to skip the event and stay home with their baby? Their baby is part of the family and may be too young to be without their mother. While your carefully worded message reflects your feelings, it was out of line, and I understand why it upset your cousin.

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A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones are heading out for trick-or-treating tonight, make sure they are supervised to ensure their safety. Happy Halloween, everyone! – LOVE, ABBY