Funeral director, 31, talks about high-profile cremation mix-up; aims to uphold her grandfather’s industrial legacy

24/7 LIFE AROUND DEATH

While Mrs. Tee makes time for her family each week and tries to put her child to bed, she has to sacrifice family time for work.

She is alert to calls, as Harmony Funeral Care’s hotline is her cell phone number. For years, Mrs. Tee always answered her phone within three rings. When she’s busy, an employee helps man the hotline – and answers with the same speed.

I was surprised when she answered my call before the first ring, hoping to schedule an interview, as I was used to people taking a little longer to pick up a phone call.

“People want someone who is willing to help send a loved one away. And show that you care by being available 24 hours a day and as quickly as possible,” she explained.

However, this has taken a toll on her social life, as she sacrifices time with family and friends for funerals. Even if she is able to meet them, she may have to run away halfway through when she receives work calls.

Work also brings challenges.

“Sometimes the family also has different opinions about the funeral. I don’t get involved and always warn that this is something they have to arrange themselves,” she said. “All I can do is advise.”

Since the mix-up, she has put in place additional standard operating procedures to ensure this doesn’t happen again. This includes asking family members to write on plastic tags placed on their relative’s wrists and ankles and sending them photos of the body that is collected as part of the verification process.

She said standard procedures for funeral rites are rare in the industry. She remembered having to take notes on how to organize funerals for different religions and learn from observation. Most industry practitioners have their own way of doing things and learn from observation, she told me.

“Nowadays, death is not so scary, and we receive a fair number of people who want to try working in this industry,” she said. “But there is no good guide or information on what it is like to enter the burial space.”

This is why Ms Tee decided to write a book detailing her experiences dealing with funerals of different age groups, insights into the industry and overcoming her mistakes and challenges.

She also describes some of the most difficult funerals she has had to arrange, such as for children and for suicide cases.

“The book is really to educate the public, to let the public know and be aware that funerals like this are happening and everyone is going through a hard time, so let’s just be a little bit kinder,” she said.

The self-published book, titled Echoes of Farewell, will be launched on December 7.

Perhaps it can be a good guideline for her son if he wants to work in the funeral industry with his parents in a few decades. But while Ms Tee said she would support him, she said beforehand that she is also open to him pursuing other careers and interests.

“After all, he is his own person, he has to choose what he wants to pursue,” she said.

As we talked about the taboos surrounding death, I asked bluntly if she had wondered or made plans for her own funeral. Mrs. Tee laughed and said she certainly did.

“When you’re surrounded by death and you’re helping people prepare for their own funerals, you can’t help but think about your own,” she said.

“I want something simple. Nothing extravagant. Just cremate me and move on. Because I prefer to live in the moment and to the fullest – and have already spent all my time with my loved ones.”

WHERE CAN YOU GET HELP

Samaritans of Singapore Hotline: 1767

Institute of Mental Health helpline: 6389 2222

Singapore Association for Mental Health Helpline: 1800 283 7019

You may also find a list of international helplines here. If someone you know is in immediate danger, call 24-hour emergency medical services.